


I'm talking to you.

by poxisafox



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Gay, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:21:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28059876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poxisafox/pseuds/poxisafox
Summary: Alec and Jace romantic angst.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Kudos: 12





	I'm talking to you.

"Why didn't you tell me, Alec?" 

Jace's leather jacket strained as he reached back to slam Alec's door so hard the stained glass window rattled dangerously in response. Alec dropped Magnus's briefing immediately, pushing back on the wheels of his chair. 

"What, Jace?" 

He asked, voice cracking as the blonde ripped him out of the seat, tossing him on the floor to stand above Alec, seizing him by his shirt. 

"That you're in love with me, Alec! You've been in love with me for years since we were kids, and you did not bother to tell me! I am out there risking my life for a girl I love, and you are here hiding the fact I could be even closer to you!"

Alec's omittance of love shook Jace with rage. His heart was beating as fast as Alec's. He made a sound of exasperation before shaking and releasing Alec. 

"Do you know hard it was for me to hear this from Clary? How hard it was for her to tell me-"

"Nothing about this is hard for anyone but me!"

Alec screamed before charging Jace, getting right in his face.

"YOU LET ME WATCH YOU WITH HER DAILY. I have attended my parabatai choosing someone else just as much if not more than me constantly, and it wasn't even our sister that you were choosing. It was the daughter of Valentine, Jace. More Morgenstern spawn."

"Do not fucking talk about her like that, Alec!"

Jace screamed back, shoving Alec away, who recovered quickly, pushing Jace back hard. 

"No, Jace. I will talk about her. You don't even listen to anything I say about Clary anyway. It'll be like talking to a wall-"

Alec cut himself off as Jace threw him through the privacy divider and slammed him against the wall. He was choking against the arm that he usually grabbed to get out of harm's way. It was too stiff and activated under the leather sleeve to show him any kindness right now. 

"You are rich coming in here to preach communication, Jace Wayland." 

Alec sneered, seeing both behave very out of character for themselves. For a brief moment, Alec wondered if someone had slipped something into both of their drinks at lunch to make them act this way. The thought left his mind quickly, seeing as Jace prioritized someone Alec saw little to prioritize over. He did not wish Clary ill; he just hoped every day she was miraculously no longer in love with Jace. Yet, every near-death experience or fight Alec sometimes purposely instigated to Isabelle's disapproval was bringing them ever closer. Alec rolled his eyes at the thoughts he was having and kicked Jace hard in the nuts, doubling him over. 

"You made me do that; please remember it next time you decide to pick a fight with me."

"You sound just like mom."

Jace mumbled under his breath, striking a clear chord with Alec, who kicked him across the jaw.

"I am nothing like her. I'm worse."

Alec warned, huffing slightly at how out of breath his crush made him even in anger. He briefly shot a glance at his bed before darting his crystal blue's back to Jace's heterochromia glare. 

"You're sick; you know that?" 

Jace spat, wiping away the minimal blood Alec's boot brought to his lip, standing up and roughly shouldering Alec out of his way to the door. Alec beat him to it, slamming and locking the knob. 

"I am, am I?"

Alec growled, kicking Jace's legs out from underneath him so that he fell flat on his back.

"Get off of me!"

Jace screamed as Alec held his wrists tightly. Alec was all too comfortable straddling Jace's hips, smirking down at him. 

"I'm serious, Alec!" 

Alec's face fell as he slid off of Jace, feeling his parabatai's panic. He held out a hand to help Jace to his feet, which his brother slapped away harshly.

"I promise I am not going to hurt you, Jace." 

Alec murmured, gripping Jace's hand firmly as he finally allowed Alec to pull him up with a wary grunt. 

"Why didn't you just tell me about it?" 

"I didn't know how to, alright? Now you're with her, and I am with Magnus, and we are both happy, right?" 

Alec asked, venom and longing lacing his tone now. What the hell was Magnus going to say later? 'Good job Alexander, glad to see you finally accepting that I'm never going to be enough for you'? He sighed, hanging his head in shame for his reactions today.

"Absolutely...yes, absolutely," Jace confirmed as Alec went to lay down, groaning and touching his shoulder tenderly. Jace raised an eyebrow, remembering he hadn't hit him that hard. Alec was, indeed reacting to the emotional pain of being shoulder checked as Jace's shoulder barely ached. 

"Then why did you get so mad at me when you came in not knowing?" 

Alec asked from the bed as Jace debated leaving, ultimately settling for sitting on the edge of the bed and taking Alec's hand once more as his brother had covered his face in a pillow to scream. 

"Because Alec, we are parabatai. I've known you since I was ten and I have always been in love with you too. There was no way I could tell you either, and now we are both happy."

Alec reacted very emotionally, letting the pillow fall out of his grasp; tears immediately stinging his eyes. His chest finally at rest since he began crushing all those years ago. He clutched the sheets, sitting up, not looking directly at Jace, who was now looking down at his gloved hands, which had left Alec's. 

"Why can't we be happy together?" 

Alec asked hesitantly.

"We are brothers and parabatai, Alec. Do you want to break our bond for this? Something we might not survive? What if you leave me someday, or we decide-" 

Alec's hand grabbed Jace's chin, jerking it sharply to look at him. 

"I always finish what I start with you, Jonathan Christopher Wayland Herondale Lightwood. I'll keep adding to the list we have as long as you will let me." 

Alec boldly kissed him after saying that. Magnus had made him more romantic than ever after all. At first, his adopted brother melted into the kiss and then shoved Alec off him in a cold sweat. 

"Alec, no! I'm cheating on Clary now if I go another second."

"You already did when you let me kiss you. Five more minutes will not hurt you, Jonathan." 

Alec reminded him dryly, not caring about it as a whole, but gathered Jace in his arms as he cried, beating Alec's chest, cursing him out for it. 

"It will, Alec. It is the principle of the thing, damn you!" 

Jace cried, pushing Alec away, only to pull him back even closer this time, kissing his neck and sobbing. Now Alec felt terrible, having a man he claimed to love, hating himself so profoundly for what Alec had just done to him. He rubbed Jace's back as the blonde clung to him, crying all over his shirt. Alec pried it from Jace's closed fingers pulling the soft cotton over his head, undressing Jace as well, giving him needed skin to skin and a closer line to his heartbeat to regulate his own. 

"Just stay with me like this, and we will both tell her in the morning that I kissed you forcibly and you rejected it."

"And what next? Live and love you only in the closet as a cheating scumbag?" 

Jace sniffled. 

"Precisely." 

Alec said, the death of his first love now taking space in his chest. 

"What about Magnus?" 

Jace wondered aloud to Alec.

"He naturally thought we had already done this, baby." 

Alec whispered, intertwining their fingers as Jace's body shivered fully at the sound of the pet name. 

"I am going to tell her that I love you tomorrow." 

Jace murmured sometime later after hours of whispers, love declarations and Alec's fingers running through his hair and drawing patterns on his skin. 

"Thank you." 

Alec sobbed, holding Jace in his arms as his almost-boyfriend fell asleep, joining him soon after.


End file.
